A SweetHeart Event for Couples Married 50 Years Plus:
A wonderful couple married for 59 years!
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Today on Friday February 12th from 1-3PM I was invited to attend the annual Sweetheart’s Dance hosted by Borough President Marty Markowitz and his wife of 10 years, Jamie. It was held at the El Caribe Country Club in Mill Basin in Brooklyn. This event was for Brooklyn couples who’ve been married 50 years plus, so that they could reaffirm their vows at a free champagne reception. Sweet idea I thought, so I weaseled my way in (even though I’m just a Brooklynite only married for three years) by suggesting that I’d like to write a column about it. I was excited to interview these long married couples about their secrets and to share that advice with everyone for Valentine’s Day weekend!
Here’s the kicker: Even though divorce is rampant today, there were more than 300 Brooklyn couples who were still in love and who have been married more than 50 years! It was great to witness this. A few stories included a Canarsie couple married for 62 years. They are one half of identical twins that married another set of identical twins at a double wedding. These grooms say that ‘obedience’ is the secret to a long happy marriage. Another couple from Dyker Heights was married 61 years. A Sheepshead Bay couple was married for 53 years and they say that their secret is ‘persistence, patience and unwavering devotion.’ A couple from Prospect Lefferts Gardens have been married for 53 years and they battled cancer together.
I was very happy to be there. I sat at a table with a bunch of loving couples. I spoke with the couple right next to me and was so fascinated with their story that I spent almost the entire time talking to them! They were married for 59 years (they will be married for 60 years in September) and they met in the South. Their families knew each other and they went to the same church. They had five children and he worked seven days a week. They both believed that you had to work in love or in anything you wanted in life. They openly shared that they had hard times but they worked things through them as a team and things got easier. They had a lot of marital wisdom to share but here are 15 of their marital tips:
1. Two people cannot talk at once. Take turns and really listen.
2. Respect one another.
3. Compromise is important for both people.
4. Write down the positives and negatives and really know your partner. Remember how the positives outweigh their negatives.
5. Don’t take your partner for granted.
6. Do not try to change or control the other person.
7. Take mini vacations and travel together.
8. Be willing to make sacrifices to make things work.
9. Nothing is mine. Everything is ours.
10. Build the trust.
11. Never put off important things. Get everything that you can out of every day together.
12. You do not win by running. You win by fighting. If there is a challenge, talk about it.
13. You do not have to love me right now but respect me.
14. Keep your sense of humor.
15. Do what you have to do, not what you want to do. He worked seven days a week to support his family.
This couple have been retired for 23 years now! Now they travel together a lot and he tells her that he loves her all the time. They credit their own parents for their best marital advice. Both had parents who were married for over 60 years. He reports about their marriage, ‘The whole thing was beautiful. As a whole I have no complaints. None whatsoever.’ I teased them both, telling her that was pretty good for a husband to say after 59 years! She laughed and said that he was never a complainer. She complained more. She said that when she got angry, she’d pour it out into a letter and give it to him. She would feel better to get it out and have him consider her feelings and this way they did not have to have a big confrontation. About his lack of complaining, the husband explained, ‘If you can’t do something about it, why complain? If you can do something about it, do it.’ This couple still laughs together, they have very full memories and they even danced together there. I was amazed and touched by them, and I told them so.
I was also able to quickly speak to another couple at my table too. They were married for 51 years. She told me that their anniversary is on November 26th so on the 26th of every month her husband puts a note on the fridge saying ‘Happy Anniversary’ to her. She said it’s been 603 months of anniversary notes! What a romantic! She shared that they loved to travel together and since her husband does not fly, they have taken many cruises and they took a train to Florida for their honeymoon. They met many other couples on their cruises that they even kept in touch with a few of them for 40 years. Their marital tips included:
1. Have an equal partnership where no one is the boss
2. Compromise-sometimes he wins, sometimes she wins
3. Have respect for each other
4. Celebrate your love
During this event Borough President Marty Markowitz toasted these extraordinary couples with champagne and joined them on the dance floor, accompanied by love ballads from their youth, wedding cake and sugar free sweets. This was the 8th gathering of its kind hosted by Marty, who celebrates his birthday on Valentine’s day. Is it possible that he’s a romantic too? He has been married to his wife Jamie (who he met in Brooklyn) for ten years now and this is his first marriage.
To see my slideshow of pictures go to: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m2d12-A-Sweethearts-Event-with-Brooklyn-Couples-Married-5O-Years-Plus
I think all of us relatively newly married folk were amazed by the love, commitment and dedication there! Hopefully now you can learn a few things from them too. Have a great Valentine’s Weekend everybody!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.
Related Links:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/02/brooklyn_sweethearts_teach_us.html
http://www.brooklyn-usa.org/Press/2007/feb15a.htm
http://www.greenpointnews.com/news/early-birds-and-love-birds-celebtrate-valentines-brooklyn-style
Sweetheart’s Event in Brooklyn
