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5 First Date Tips that could affect you developing a relationship:

Often in dating (especially on first dates) we feel that we are at the other person’s mercy and either they will like us or reject us. While it is true that you only comprise half of the dating equation, sometimes you are much more powerful than you realize. This is what my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ is about. In it I explore how your beliefs, feelings, choices and actions around dating and the opposite sex affect what you manifest in your love life. Sometimes just by changing your attitude, feeling better about yourself and giving others more latitude, love can slip in the back door. So today I am going to cover 5 quick tips that you can address within yourself, while you are on any first date.
1. Give Dates More than One Chance: This morning Haley Shipley sent me a clever article that she wrote for Match.com’s Happen Magazine called, ‘Bad First Dates Gone Good.’ She interviewed me for it as one of her dating experts and in it she provides many examples of couples who had bad first dates but ended up in great relationships anyway. I’ve posted a link to Shipley’s article below. This combats the idea that ‘You’ll just know’ right away. In fact, I can think of four cases of couples that I know personally who had horrible first dates and little immediate attraction and yet they ended up happily married (and did not settle). So, think about whether you judge your date too quickly and whether it is worth an hour or two more of your time to give that person a second chance.
2. Don’t let Past Rejection Direct Your Future: In my book I have a whole section about rejection and how you can deal with it when dating. While few love rejection, it is a necessary part of life and we all usually have to go through it to be successful in life and love. So, it’s important to think of ‘no’ as just another word like ‘yes.’ Having said this, past rejection cases are actually used as an excuse to sabotage all future first dates. In my experience, these daters sit on a first date thinking, ‘This person won’t like me. Remember how Jonny and Ben never asked me for a second date!’ This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So it is important to start each first date with a blank slate so that this new person is not paying for all your past disappointments. I know that this is a process and my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ gives you exercises to help you do this so that old dating baggage does not ruin all future first dates and relationships going forward.
3. Choose to be yourself: Often on first dates people try to be whoever they think the other person wants. Daters play a part because then it feels less painful if they do experience rejection. While this defense is understandable, it is not smart because in my opinion authenticity is the real barometer when it comes to love. In simple speak: If you are yourself, the right person will stick around. It may not be the guy you ‘think’ you want, but it will be the persons who like and accept the real you. So, try to make a conscious choice, take a deep breath (if you’re nervous) and dare to be real. Repeat to yourself, ‘The right person will stick around and will be attracted to who I really am.’
4. Look for the good on your date: We are often so defended on a first date that we are looking for red flags everywhere. We would never treat a friend this way but on a first date we notice how the other person laughs, eats, orders etc. Give me a break and take it down a notch! Stop imagining yourself with him 20 years down the road and be present and have a nice time. Believe it or not, this simple advice can be a tall order. So, if you tend to be overly negative initially on dates, try this exercise. On your first date look for three things that you appreciate about that other person. When you start to slip into focusing on the negative, consciously switch your focus back to that simple task. Most everyone has something positive about them and you’d want to be seen with those same compassionate eyes. It does not mean you need to keep dating him indefinitely, it just means that you will both have a better date if you choose to be positive.
5. Remember why you’re a great catch: On first dates we often repeat all the things that our date will not like about us in our head. This is also unproductive and it often not even true! We are our own worst critics and this is also something we can change. My book offers an exercise which prompts you to record all the reasons that you are a great catch on a note card so that you can read them (and eventually internalize that inner dialogue) before your dates. This will leave you feeling more attractive, confident and positive, inside and out.

I wish you much happiness on all your first dates and the ones thereafter.

My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com