Unconscious Mating

We all know that being single isn’t always easy, particularly during the holidays.  During the time period from November-February we are often confronted with Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day.  And before we even know what hits us, we are reeling.  Instead of feeling our bounty, we often end up concentrating upon what we don’t have-namely a partner.

Sometimes our family brings it up and sometimes it’s that annoying voice in our own head.  You can be proactive this year and do some things to ensure a great holiday season for yourself. 

1-     Make Plans-Don’t ignore the holidays and then get slammed with depression when Valentine’s Day hits and you have nothing to do.  Think about how you would like to spend the day and plan something you’d love to do, either alone or with a friend.  Don’t feel helpless.  Take charge of the situation and create a wonderful day.

2-     Focus on Someone Else-We often feel like the loneliness most pathetic person around and we do not take into account that there are many people who are worse off then us.  Be generous and share your love with the elderly, homeless, disabled etc.  It will make you feel good about yourself and will remind you what an impact your presence has in this world.

3-      Mingle- Do not sit home in your reindeer pajamas.  If you want to meet someone, get busy!  Come to my dating classes, join an online dating site, and go to parties and singles events.  See what singles events your church or temple offers.  The holidays can be a great time to connect with other singles who are feeling the same way that you are. 

4-      Be Good To Yourself- When you are not getting the love and affection from a romantic partner, it is important to give it to yourself.  Go to a spa, get a massage, take a bubble bath or make a great meal for yourself.  Don’t wait for that ‘special someone’ to live it up.  Start today! 

5-      Appreciate What You Do Have- We often focus on what is going wrong in our lives or what is missing.  Take time to really appreciate what is terrific about you and your life.  Think about all the ways you make a difference in this world and all the people who love you and why.  Do this until the love and happiness inside you is overflowing.  Now we are in the holiday spirit! 

6-     Be in Community- Being single often makes us feel lonely, so it is important to be part of community.  This can include being among family, friends and other singles.  If you do not have an existing community than think of something you are interested in and look it up online.  You may find a community for bikers, hikers, vegetarians, Unitarians etc.  Go to an event or holiday party.  You never know who you will meet.

7-      Validate Where You are Today- Part of what is hard about holidays is that family members (and sometimes our own critical voice) imply that we ‘should’ be in a serious relationship heading to marriage.  Whether it is what you want or not, right now you are singles.  There are a lot of benefits to being single too.  Do not let critics (inner or outer) determine your worth or path.  Remind yourself that where you are right now is good and that you are in the process of manifesting all that you want in your life at your own pace.  Be kind to yourself and embrace each moment for what it is.  It is all any of us can do. Most of all, remember: you are loveable. 

Happy Holidays! (a bit early) 

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 2008. Dr. Sherman is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching, hosts an online singles community and offers a free monthly dating e-newsletter. She is a dating expert, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified coach and an ordained minister, able to marry the singles that she coaches in most states.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 at 9:29 pm and is filed under Holidays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.